Friday, November 05, 2010
In 500 Yards, Please Do Whatever You Want
My new bestie Betsy, whilst we were out to lunch the other day, heard me whining to Kiker about my inability to go anywhere without getting lost. It's as though my brain shuts down -- I'll be repeating in my head, "Go down Straight Street, turn left at Elderberry Court, and the house is on the right," and the next thing I know I'll be in Switzerland. I will have crossed an ocean and not even realized it.
Many of my friends at this point now take into account both my problems with leaving the house on time, and the fact that I can't cross the street without getting totally turned around, and now give me start times to events five hours early, knowing that it will take me at least that long to get there.
Anyway, Betsy offered me her TomTom, due to the fact that she now has one of those snazzy GPS features on her even snazzier phone, and doesn't need superfluous electronic equipment anymore. Guys, TomToms are magical. I haven't quite gotten all the details on mine figured out, but I did at least manage to program the location of my house, and can now find my way back home no matter where I end up!
Mom and I decided to test this out, of course. No use in having a GPS screen stuck to my car if it can't keep up with my ridiculous driving.
Mom: So, it's nice you can get home and all, but what if you miss your location?
Me: I assume it tells me how to fix my course?
TomTom: In two hundred yards, you have reached your destination.
Mom: Keep going!
TomTom: Please make a U-Turn.
Me: I'm turning right, but I'm not stopping! What now, TomTom!?
TomTom: After four hundred yards, please turn right.
Mom: Turn left! Let's throw it off!
Me: WHEE!
TomTom: Turn right. After three streets, please turn right.
Mom: Okay, let's go home now, sweetie.
Me: I'm driving in circles now, TomTom! Let's see you get me out of this mess!
TomTom: Please turn left.
Mom: Monica, turn left.
Me: Oh, I'll turn left! INTO THIS STRANGER'S DRIVEWAY! And now I'm backing up and turning around! You'll never catch me, TomTom!!
Mom did eventually wrestle the poor TomTom out of my graspy hands; without its constant stream of calm directional chatter, I lost interest in driving in octagons around my neighborhood. But it's good to know, right? If I'm ever being chased by rabid bears armed with hand grenades, and I need to lose them but also need to make my way home? I'll totally be able to.
Comments:
You may want to not actually have your home marked as "home" in your tomtom -- I've heard people break into your car sometimes to steal it and use it to find your home and break in. On the other hand, this warning/rumor has never made a *ton* of sense to me, since what would be the point of going all the way across town or wherever to break into that particular person's house when they could just pick a random nice-looking house and break into it, which would probably be easier, honestly. But whatever.
Anyway, congrats on your new and helpful gadget! Kathleen and Noah named their GPS "Sharon," because it was a machine, but sounded... so... so human.
Anyway, congrats on your new and helpful gadget! Kathleen and Noah named their GPS "Sharon," because it was a machine, but sounded... so... so human.
Hee! Oh, thank you for the laugh.
This kind of reminds me of The Office where Michael relies on his GPS and freaks out and just drives into a pond.
This kind of reminds me of The Office where Michael relies on his GPS and freaks out and just drives into a pond.
or on ER where they drove into Lake Michigan because the GPS insisted that they turn right!! On a personal note, I did cross the Ambassador Bridge because the GPS told me to turn onto a certain street that unfortunately was like a cattle chute to the bridge ~ no turning back! So, without money to return or a passport to my name I had to enter foreign soil and battle the customs people. Later I saw that an official sign had been erected on the US side of the border saying "Follow signage. Do not follow your GPS" They said that40-50 people per day were ending up in Canada because of their GPS!!
# posted by 
: 8:42 AM
: 8:42 AM
@Holly -- that is RIDICULOUSLY magical, and if I didn't already think Noah and Kathleen were the coolest people ever... I do now.
@Shannon -- I definitely would drive straight into the lake; I trust my TomTom implicitly, despite the fact that none of its maps have been updated in three years due to it costing fifty dollars omg wtf?!
@Aunt Katie -- How did you escape Canada? Did you have to punch a mountie?
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@Shannon -- I definitely would drive straight into the lake; I trust my TomTom implicitly, despite the fact that none of its maps have been updated in three years due to it costing fifty dollars omg wtf?!
@Aunt Katie -- How did you escape Canada? Did you have to punch a mountie?
